I have a terrible university lab partner and need the world's advice on how to deal with it. He's not practically bad, in the sense that we work well enough together to get the lab done on time, and we get reasonable results too. His pitfalls are invisible to everyone who doesn't experience them first hand. He's also a pretty unpleasant person to be around when he wants to be, but the annoying part is that he's very nice, likeable and sociable when he wants to be. I'm being pretty generous there to be honest: He's horrible to me when we're with one other particular person and when in labs, but otherwise annoyingly likeable.
I think he has a chip on his shoulder about my background (compared to his). He seems to expend a vast amount of energy trying to make me feel solely responsible for it through little digs at me dressed up as 'banter.' Things about how I dress, how I speak, my mannerisms - really most of the things that make me who I am. His #banter can range from a trivial scoff at my choice of words, to something as personal as directly insulting my upbringing and by extension my family. I guess the best way to deal with it is to just take it on the chin and ignore it, which I do. I've also made a concerted effort recently not to give him any 'ammo' (This is virtually impossible though - he'll make stuff up if he has to). Sometimes though, it really does rile me, in which case I just leave if I can. When I do that I know he makes some quip behind my back like "oops, pissed off Jake (me - name changed) now," to the great amusement of whoever he's talking to. I'm fairly sure he discusses me behind his back too because he will happily discuss everyone else's faults with me behind their backs (Like I say, he can be friendly to me - talk about two-faced).
With regards to labs, I find him an extremely demoralising person to work with. If I seem a bit too disinterested he'll say 'Stop being so patronising' (He's very blunt with his criticisms). If I'm too interested he'll say 'You're over-thinking this and we'll run out of time if you do.' Today, someone came over and asked how we were getting on and he said "We're doing OK but we'd be doing better if Jake hadn't been thinking about it too much." I nearly boiled over at this point because it had been an entirely mutual discussion in which he did most of the talking. I let it slide. A few minutes later he said "What have you written for this question?" To my shame, still bubbling under the surface, I came out with the snarky "I don't know, maybe you'll have to think about it," referring to his previous comment. He didn't get it. He responded with an angered "Oh fuck off Jake." He clearly doesn't know what hypocrisy is.
A large part of his faults revolve largely around hypocrisy. He'll have a go at me for taking over a practical (unintentional on my part) so I'll let him takeover whatever I'm doing (because I know that disagreeing with him will only result in more grief). If the roles are reversed (when the most I can say is "Can I take the next set of measurements") he'll basically say no. His hypocrisy is even at the level of having been quoted as saying "If you have to say it's #banter, it's not #banter." (If I had a pound...!!!).
He'll also do things like dismiss what I'm saying or talk over what I'm saying (and never actually listens anyway), only to 'work out' for 'himself' what I've already said/was about to say - thus gaining even more self assurance. It also doesn't help that he knows he's probably cleverer than me, and makes sure that I know it too.
What I hope you're getting a picture of here is that of an extremely self-assured, hypocritical person with a concealed arrogance and a serious moral superiority complex. Combine this with a cold, manipulative and deceptive mind and you've got him. Looking back at what I've written, I feel like I've described a closet psychopath. This is not far from the truth.
The worst part in all of this is that I have no-one who knows him to talk about it to because everyone else loves him!
TL;DR: My lab partner is a low-key nob who takes digs at me and only me (he calls it #banter) so that no-one else can see his true nature as a closet psychopath.
Advice please!
Submitted January 28, 2016 at 09:21PM by JizzaDaMan http://ift.tt/23wXkKX
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