Seeking some guidance. Hybrid problems.

Hi I just have some questions I never really considered branching out but figured I'd see if anyone else has had any similarities in their life. I'm 29, was diagnosed with Asperger's as a kid. I have green eyes. A bright strawberry birthmark and lots of other just regular birthmarks. I frequently have Deja Vu or just know things. Like literally know things based off nothing. Having Asperger's growing up I had trouble understanding body posture or vocal expressions so I think I over compensated by Idk how else to explain it, force people to tell me their emotions? Like I can't read thoughts or anything but I can tell peoples emotions if I form and force a mental question to them. As I've gotten older I've learned to "mimic" interacting with people, smiling, telling jokes etc etc. Still sometimes it's hard to relate. Anyways ever since I was little I've been visited by shadow people in my dreams. They talk very loud and its like a rumbling and it shakes my body in my dreams. I've seen something that could have been an E.T once in my life and it was three little grey short things staring at me as I walked by a house that had all it's lights on pulsing and felt weird vibrations in the ground, and weird noises coming from inside the house. I just nodded my head all casual, as if this wasn't anything out of the ordinary to see at 2am walking to the store. Soon as I went past a bend in the street I ran. The lights started turning off as I went so I held my knife out in front of me and Idk like hissed snarled as if that was some commonly understandable form of communication and the lights stopped going off a little before I made it to the main road. I took the long way back that night. Other than that one experience only shadow people and like light? beings. I don't think I've ever been abducted but I have had many bizarre dreams that felt very real. I was once sleeping over at my grandparents house and in my dream I woke up to go pee and everyone else was lying staring at the ceiling except my grandmother who was staring blank into the bathroom mirror before her face popped off like a mask. It freaked me out so I ran to the bathroom and some gray distorted head tried looking at me through the sky light so I had trouble peeing then the door started rattling and all of a sudden I was outside the house holding hands with some shadowy figure that wouldn't let me look at it but it held my hands reassuringly and let me lay my head in it's warm and silky smooth lap. Like nylon but minus the noise it makes when you touch it. It didn't say anything but it gave off emotions like it loved me and was there to comfort me. Weird noises were heard from the house and yells as it held me close and stroked my hair until I fell asleep in my dream. Lots of other sleep paralysis dreams. Lots of weird dreams where it's like I'm the only person in school and people I've never seen before are teaching me about vibrational frequencies, showing me diagrams of how black holes form, what their life cycle is and how to use their properties for scientific research etc. I've also felt like I can channel energy into doing things I need or want. Often when it's destructive or harmful to others I get the overwhelming urge to cry about or feel just the deepest guilt like I've failed some final test for a degree while losing a loved one. Often though I try to touch people to give them warmth. I believe in Angels (fallen or ones in good standing) and can often talk to them while sleeping. I have an affinity for Azazel. Something about him being here and being cast out for trying to positively meddle with our DNA really clicks with me. Obviously angels are non human entities but regardless I know they exist, I refuse to call most of the fallen ones demons because many of them fell out of grace for what??? Telling us to open our eyes through the gift of knowledge? Trying to positively meddle with our DNA or breed with us?? That is a whole other thing though so I'll stop at that, by just saying I can see other sides to what we call The Universe (not with my eyes but inside my head) and can feel the heat/vibration from those areas. WHAT THE FUCK AM I AND HOW THE FUCK DO I MAKE IT STOP!!? I don't want this bullshit but saying that makes me sad like I am letting people down, like I saw a baby in a rain storm said fuck it and watched it get eaten by a bear. I mean some things I got over after a while. The constant ringing in the ears, weird electrical pinches under my left ear and behind my eyes, occasional random numb parts of skin, waking up feeling like a spot of skin is on fire. But has anyone else had to deal with this shit too? Is there anything that helps?? Natural remedies, western medicine, spiritual medicine?? Anything. I have had to deal with it for 29 years and I just want to learn to deal with it. I'm tired of having dreams where I'm forced to watch people I've never seen in places I've never seen die in mass quantities like a giant sigh. I'm not even gonna ask what species this would qualify me as unless thats important for moving forward. I just want to know things that'll help. Like anything really. I've tried natural drugs, tried hard drugs, tried ignoring it, tried prescribed medications. And it always comes back. I am sure some hippie type quasi-yogi is gonna tell me embracing it is the answer but how?? How do you embrace that life that feels like an unending existential mission and also try to maintain a life in the real world? Idk any guidance would be helpful. My family's never been any help on it. I mean me telling them some of my shadowy people dreams where we'd walk by their sleeping bodies scares them. And my doctors etc have always either ignored it as "You're just a very active dreamer," or been overly hippie about it like "Ohhh wow here hold this crystal necklace and tell me what it makes you feel." Okay I'm done ranting. I successfully made it to 530 am which means I can sleep without them bothering me lol love that trick. Anyways hope everyone who reads this takes care and has a wonderful day. Any suggestions or even similar experiences? -John

Submitted February 24, 2019 at 08:34AM by JohnFStabJr89 https://ift.tt/2Nu6wO0